


Both Ways

by aware



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, PLEASE READ CHAPTER 2 SUMMARY FOR POTENTIAL TRIGGERS, Rating May Change, Tags May Change, vague d&d sessions that i only mention because i know nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aware/pseuds/aware
Summary: You really, really like Sebastian. You've been friends since you arrived, and you want something - anything - to happen.





	1. Stardrop

_It's fine to shed tears if it eases your fears,_

_The bonds at your side will support you._

_\--HEROIC ADVENT--_

 

Late autumn is the best time of year, at least for your farm. It always looks so beautiful; fire orange and golden yellow leaves blowing in the wind, the sun gentle and less harsh than the summer, the crops blooming in deep purple and in the bright, healthy tones of the season.

You step out from the wooden deck, ready to start your day - a day that shouldn’t be tough, no heavy lifting or building. Smiling to yourself, you push open the gate to your crops with a large basket to begin harvesting some of the cranberries that had grown in. It was early in the morning, the sun casting a magnificent glow through the fruit trees. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t necessarily warm, the plaid shirt and denim dungarees you wore being perfect for the weather.

Picking the berries was calming and led to your thoughts drifting to the town you live in. Pelican Town was quiet, yes, but not without its fair share of gossip and drama (not that you minded this, of course). People are people, no matter where you are. The city, of course, was a treasure trove of pointless garbage, rumours and scandals seemed to appear from nowhere constantly. At least Pelican Town wasn’t like _that._ Your friends here were endlessly more sincere and caring than your past pals and lovers. Robin had shown you nothing but earnest kindness since you’d arrived, Lewis had been welcoming and understanding, Pierre had run you through everything to do with crops in his own time. You were out of your depth, and they understood. You felt like a kid in school around them, however.

The younger population had a space in your heart too, even if it was for different reasons. Abby, Seb and Sam had taught you to _relax._ To not spend every single waking moment on the farm, to rely on someone else for a second.

And if you blushed at every other interaction with Sebastian, well, that was something else.

When you got here, Sebastian was quiet and ‘antisocial’, his mom apologising at every turn when you were sat in their kitchen planning out your jam making shed. _He’s not,_ you thought absently after another Robin excuse on his behalf. He was just shy, and obviously stressed, and nervous with someone new in his damn family kitchen. It was endearing, but it _wasn’t,_ because obviously this stupidly attractive emo boy wasn’t having the best time of his life right now.

When you all hung out for board games night, or for video games, or for drinks, Seb was like a different man. Funny, relaxed, _cute as hell._ You always scrub that from your mind when you stare at his profile too long, engraving his laughing face into your brain. You hope the blush in your cheeks reads like you’re buzzed from the alcohol.

Your cheeks flare red at the memory of the last games night, not more than a week ago, ending with you sitting way too close to Sebastian’s side, him leaning back with his arm placed behind you, as if he was accepting it. He was warm, and you wanted to cuddle up with him. But you didn’t. So you’re here, regretting every impulse your slightly-drunk brain had ever acted upon, and you continue picking your cranberries.

There’s not a lot else to do for today; the chickens won't have laid their eggs yet and the autofeeder is running fine, the pumpkins and eggplants and artichokes haven’t fully grown in yet, and no fence is broken. So all that’s left is to walk into town with your fresh crop, and sell it off to Pierre, maybe buy some more cooking ingredients in the process. You grab the small deep black rock in your mining chest and hide it in your pocket for later.

The walk down to town wasn’t long - ten minutes at most, the lane wasn’t steep, and you didn’t have a heavy basket to carry down like you sometimes do. The day had started to warm up, sun finally fully peeking out from behind the trees that lined the lane. Town was quiet, as it usually is this early in the morning. Pierre’s wasn’t quite open yet, so you sit on the bench outside and soak up the morning sun for ten or so minutes.

This life was okay.

You heard the door’s lock click open, so you stand holding the basket against your side with one arm, and you push open the door with your other. You beam as Pierre greets you kindly. After selling your cranberries for a decent price, you look around the store to find some more flour and salt, as you’d run out. You look over at the flower bouquets near the door, and your face flushes with heat. You look away fast and pay for your items.

You’d known you had a crush on Sebastian for a while, but you didn’t think you had it this _bad._ He probably didn’t like you back, you had a sneaking suspicion he was after Abby anyway.

 _No,_ you thought. _I can’t think so badly of myself. I’m past that._ So with a sigh, you try and push it to the back of your head to think about another day. So with your groceries in your basket, you start the walk back home to make breakfast.

* * *

Reading your animal care book (finally) is a great way to pass the time, you decide. You have literally nothing else to do today, since your sprinkler system had been finished up. You’d finished a game recently too, and you didn’t want to start a new one until winter. Time passes fast when you fall asleep in the autumn sun, anyway.

Your phone wakes you up from your doze with a gentle charm of a phone call. You turn it over in your hands, and your brain freezes when Sebastian’s name (and that damned cute picture of him sleeping at one of the drinking dates) pops up on your screen. You scramble to accept the call, and you’re suddenly very awake again.

“Hey, Seb!” you inwardly cringe at how happy your voice is.

“Hey. I texted you, but you weren’t responding so I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Seb’s voice crackled over the line, the signal not perfect over on the farm. He’s sweet, you thought to yourself.

“Oh, I’m fine! Thank you though. Did you need anything?”

“We were meeting up at the Stardrop for lunch and wondered if you were gonna join.”

You nod, before realising he can’t see that at all, and you hum happily into your phone.

“I’d love to! I’ll be there in ten.”

“Great! I mean - I’ll see you there.”

* * *

Seb hangs up and pointedly does not look at his best friends face over the table. Sam was smug on a normal day _anyway._

“Se-” Sam started, mouth curling into a Cheshire cat grin.

“No,” Sebastian cut him off, “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Hey man, how can I not be excited? You’re obviously into her, like, pretty hardcore, and you’re my best friend. I want it to work out!” Sam babbled, trying to justify his insistence to be involved in Seb’s love life. Seb stuck him with a deadpan look, not interested in this conversation.

“You say that like she’d be interested in any way, shape or form. Like have you seen her? She’s a _farmer._ She has this whole business. I work in a basement.”

“Dude, you’re so fuckin’ clueless sometimes. She looks at you with stars in her eyes! Like you look at her, so I retract my previous statement. You’re both fuckin’ clueless.” Sebastian rolls his eyes, and straightens up when he hears boots crossing the wood floor. Sam chuckles, and waves to the person behind his shoulder.

“Hey, guys!” Seb blushes against his will, a gentle hand resting on his shoulder as you sit on the chair to his left. He can’t keep thinking about the way you leaned into him so openly the other night. How soft your eyes were when you accidentally made eye contact with each other. And despite his initial nervousness around you, when Sam had gone to order their drinks and food, the conversation between you had been what it always was - easy, amazing, and so comfortable.

You could talk about anything with Seb. Anything under the sun, and he wouldn’t ever judge you. Like a safety net, for when things come crashing down around you. You were similar in ways that mattered and different in others. You loved him, you really did. And even with that sadness behind your eyes threatening to spill out like tears that come unwarranted, you wanted to keep them open so you could see _him._ And only him, for as long as you dared to live.

“Oh, uh, Seb, I got you something from the mines the other day.” He raises an eyebrow as you cut off your own sentence in your rush. “I just remembered I bought it with me.” You hold out the black shard of obsidian, purple glinting off of it in the right light. Sebastian’s eyes widen, a blush dusting his cheeks.

“You - you’re giving me this?” Seb stutters, reaching out to take it from you. You nod, shy smile gracing your face. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. You like this kinda stuff, right? I’d rather it go to a nice home than selling it.” Seb stares at you, with that cute surprised look on his face. You blush slightly, opening your mouth to say something when Sam returns with your orders. You jolt as the glasses thump on the table and the staring contest you had with Seb breaks off.

“What’re you two love birds looking like that for?” Sam laughs, as Seb hides the obsidian in his pocket before his best friend could see.

“Shut up, Sam.” Both you and Seb started before snorting in laughter. The anxious tension between you and Seb breaks, and you relax back into the light hearted banter. The food was good, the alcohol was nice, but the company was perfect. No matter how bad you felt, you had your friends to cheer you up.

Soon, Sam left - claiming to be on babysitting duty for Vincent. But the look he gave Seb combined with the hearty clap to his shoulder made you think differently. You narrowed your eyes at him, but he just smiled, that cat grin, and left you two alone.

“Are you going to the Spirit’s Eve festival next week?” Seb casually asked you as you were finishing your drink, nodding as you place your glass back down on the coaster.

“Yeah, probably. Feel as though I should since I missed the Luau. And the Fair didn’t really give me the chance to catch up with people.”

“Oh, right. Well, we should do something after, if you want. Like once the festival has closed down and stuff.” Seb was smiling at you, and you brightened a little. He was so _cute!_ And that smile was so truly aimed at you, and it felt like a gift.

“Oh, I mean - I guess we could go around the festival together too, then, if you were planning on it, and then hang out after. Up to you, though. Totally down for anything.” You stuttered a little after catching yourself caught up in your thoughts. Seb obviously thought your flustering was funny, because he snorts once before nodding.

“Sure. I’ll go with you. I can meet you at like, half nine? By the bus stop?” _Is this a date? Are we going on a date? Is it finally going to happen? But he wouldn’t want that, would he?_

“Uh - yeah, sounds great! I’m looking forward to it. I gotta blast though,” you say, pushing your chair back. “I’ll see you later? For D&D?” Seb leans back and nods, smile creeping through his face and he raises his hand to give you a mock salute as you leave.

* * *

 

 _That man has no right to be that cute_ , you decide on the walk home. Not even that - the way he _saluted_ you was so effortlessly cool, and you feel a hot blush rising on your cheeks. You bite down on your lip, trying hard to not break out into a grin before you reach your lane.

Oh, shit. You’re going on a maybe-almost-not a date with Sebastian. Kind, funny, huge dork but equally as suave Sebastian - the one who was always just there for you, if it was just a shoulder to cry on or someone to get drunk with or to sit in comfortable silence with. Your _best friend_ Sebastian. What a cliche. But it worked. You worked so well together, even if today had awkward ‘we just met’ vibes happening. You were just so very aware of him that you felt like you were treading on eggshells.

 _Whatever_ , you think. _Whatever_. Fuck it. You’ll just treat this like a date and see what happens and maybe ask him out by the end. Yeah. You’ll do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can probably really tell i like dialogue. second chapter is like. 3/4 done right now, should be up soonish. i have exams soon so don't expect too much until like. late june  
> song at the start is by roselia. its a translation from the wiki so idk if its accurate, i just really liked it


	2. Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're not perfect. You wake up to problems.
> 
> /  
> tw for animal death/injury (not graphic detail, but its there), anxiety attacks

_You are the only thing that can ease my mind on days like these,_ _  
You are the only one that takes my mind somewhere else._

_I Wish You Love_

 

Everything seems to be fine, until it’s not.

You wake up the next morning filled with determination to do _something_ about Seb, and you open your door ready to start your routine. Crops, then chickens.

Chickens.

You don’t expect the hatch on your coop to be blown wide open, feathers stuck in the grass, feathers everywhere, and you don’t remember that when you went to bed last night. Feathers. And blood. Not a lot, but enough to be immediately worried. You didn’t want to check. You really didn’t want to go in there.

Opening the door, you find what you expected - two chickens of your four gone, the scrabble of claws and talons evident on the wood floor, and too much blood for you to assume they’d just gone missing. The last two were sat in the corner together, Pepper was fine, Mustard missing a chunk of feathers but nothing too bad.

Ketchup, the chicken you’d had since your first summer, was gone, and so was Salt, Pepper’s best friend, your best layer.

The latch on your coop hatch obviously had become loose, and you could’ve maybe prevented it. You did this. This was your fault, your fault that your chickens - your _pets -_ that you’d had for two years, and that you’d loved the entire time - they were _dead._ They were your responsibility. Your fault. It was your fault.

You decide to worry about clean up later. Your shaking hands fumbled for your phone in your back pocket, dialing Sebastian before your rational brain tells you to stop.

“-ello?” Seb sounds disconnected and disjointed, like he’d just woken up.

“Seb, I’m sorry - I just - this is my fault, and they’re gone, and - sorry for waking you, I could’ve stopped this, but I didn’t, and I -”

“Hey!” You stop talking, tears already bubbling down your face in both agitation and embarrassment. “What are you talking about? What happened? Do you need me to come over?”

“The - chickens, Seb,  I - something must’ve got in! And Ketchup is gone and it was my fault. I’m sorry, I -”

“Hey, calm down. I’m on my way. Stay on the line for me, okay?” Seb was already out of bed, getting dressed with his phone on speaker before pulling on his hoodie and slipping out of the house. You sounded so obviously wrecked, and he never wanted to hear your voice like that again. Spiralling anxiety was something he knew about, he knew it too well, and he was using all of the tricks Sam used on him to help you. You needed someone with you. So he would go.

He hangs up as he walks onto the farm, and finds you crumpled on the ground outside your coop. Your head is in your hands, and you’re shaking, and Seb feels so utterly destroyed to see you like this. Reaching out his hand, he announces his presence so you don’t immediately jump, something that Sam did for him once. Your body still reacts to being touched - a sharp flinch shudders through you. You look up, and Sebastian’s heart stops.

Your face is red and streaked with tears, your eyes disturbed and wet. He crouches down to your side, comforting hand running up and down your back. He raises a hand and wipes away your tears with his thumb. And then he looks at you, those deep, dark eyes staring into your soul with such a look of worry. You _love_ him. He came.

Reaching out both hands, you clutch his hoodie, and you cry into his shoulder.

“Hey, hey. You’re gonna be fine,” Seb is whispering to you the entire time hard sobs torment you. “I’m here, everything’s alright.”

There’s such a softness to his tone that you can’t help but relax into him, closing your eyes and breathing in deeply. He smells good, and you love him more than you thought you ever could.

You don’t know how long you stay like that, on the stone path outside your coop, leaning into him like he’s the only thing stopping you from a long fall. Eventually, you move, and as you go to get a drink for your scratchy throat, he feeds your remaining chickens.

The whole morning he helps you, fixing fences and holding the basket when you go to harvest crops. You’re so thankful, and so grateful - he’s keeping your mind off of your poor chickens, even though he probably has work to do himself. You’re sitting on your deck, him close to your side, sipping on some juice you’d made, when Seb puts his glass down to look at his phone.

“Ah. You comin’ to D&D tonight?”

You freeze, forgetting all about it. You don’t really feel up to it. But you _do want to go._ You want more time with Sebastian, you don’t want him to _go._  Usually when you get an attack like today’s, you shut yourself away for a while.

But, this was Seb. And Abby, and Sam. They don’t deserve that. So you nod confidently to Seb, who smiles brightly. You feel like crying.

God, being around Seb made you feel like you could do anything.

* * *

D&D was _ridiculously_ fun. You feel like you haven’t laughed that much in forever! Sam’s Barbarian was as stupid as always, and you felt at home. It was amazing. It was so _good._ You loved them entirely. Seb always relaxes when it's behind closed doors with people he cares for. Laid-back, confident, smooth Sebastian was your favourite. _Comfortable_ Sebastian was your favourite.

And Sebastian walks you home through town, and when you nervously link your hands together on the lane up to your farm, he squeezes back. You smile up at him and swung your clasped hands a little. He’s smiling, that shy little smile that you _hope_ is reserved for you.

You wish the walk home was longer. The stars were out, and the moon was shining high in the sky, and you were with your favourite person in the whole world.

“Thank you, Sebastian. For today.” Breaking the silence, you look over to him. “I know it was kinda out of the blue, and I’m sorry for that. You were just the first thing my brain thought of,” _the first thing my brain wanted,_ “but thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Sebastian looks at you with stars in his eyes. You’re so incredible, under the moonlight.

“Oh, uh. It’s no problem. I’d be here in a second if you ever need anything.” You smile, eyes softening.

“It goes both ways, Seb.” He raises an eyebrow quizzically. “I am always here for you. Don’t think I can’t handle it. Because I can,” _because it’s you,_ “and you know where to find me. Okay?” You break the hand hold and wish you hadn’t. You’d reached your farm, and you stand in front of him, as he looks down at you. Your eyes flicker down to his lips, jolting out of it when he speaks.

“I - thank you,” He looks down at his feet. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that sometime.”

_Kiss me._

“Goodnight, Seb! Get home safe. Thanks for today!”

* * *

He walks home in the dark and kicks himself for not giving in and kissing you. He _saw_ you look at his lips, he saw how your breath caught in your throat. But you were _you,_ and you’d just spent the day on an emotional rollercoaster. There would be other times for that.

He can’t believe that even with everything happening today, you were still looking after him. You were still somehow prioritising him.  It was so - alien, to him, being someone’s number one.

He was more in love than he’d ever been before. For once, he was happy that his mom brought a stranger into their house. He remembers that time like it was so recent, but in reality it’s been almost two years since you got here. You were sat there, planning out a shed, when he emerged from his cave in sweatpants and a hoodie. And he remembers the smile you shot his way and the pink dusting your cheeks.

He can’t believe he didn’t kiss you.

_Stupid._

Sitting down and doing work is so much harder tonight. He keeps thinking of you, you looking down at his lips, you waving from your deck, you hugging him tight after you say goodbye, your hands lingering as you pulled back after, your beautiful fucking eyes, that damn smile, _you._ He feels like a teenager again, like he did with Abby (and Sam, if he’s being honest). He always had trouble with distinguishing friendship from romance.

But now, he’s never been more sure of anything in his life.

* * *

You didn’t expect Seb to ring you so soon. Your communicating was almost always done via text - either in the group chat or directly. So you quickly pick up, the conversation from the other night still fresh in your head.

You hear Seb taking a deep breath when you pick up. There’s sound from the background, like he’s in a different room.

“Hello? Seb? What’s up?” You can’t help the worry in your voice despite how casual you tried to sound.

“Hey, uh, hey, I’m just a bit - frazzled, right now.” He’s still breathing deep, and your heart beats against your chest. Breathing like you were, the other day, that panicky shaky sound.

“Do you need me to come over?” You start to stand, ready to bolt to him if he so needed.

“No, no. I’m fine. Just gotta hear your voice, y’know? Demetrius was just saying something and got all funny. Wanted to talk to someone.” Smiling, you sit back down, glad that nothing serious was happening but anxiety still gnawed at your chest. So you stayed, and you talked things through with Seb, trying to ease his fears and distract him.

“I’m just very aware he’s not my dad, and he’s not even trying to be, so it’s weird,” Seb started after you came onto the topic of family. “I love my mom, and I know that she loves him, so I’m trying to fit in with him but it seems it just won’t happen.” You hum, nodding slightly. Talking out your anxieties with someone felt great, and you were happy that Seb trusted you enough to tell you.

“Yeah. I totally get that. Must feel kinda alienating sometimes, yeah?” Seb’s turn to hum into the receiver. “If he ever gets too overbearing, just hang out at mine, okay? Let it be your escape.”

Seb’s smiling silly at the other end of the line. _It already was._ But your sheer thoughtfulness made him warm. He was so glad he called you.

“Yeah. Thanks, I - I really do appreciate it.”

“Oh! You still up for the festival next week? I know we’ve been kinda emotionally hectic recently.” You’re so cheery and hopeful, and Seb could never dream of cancelling on you anyway.  Neither of you say the word ‘date’ in the whole conversation. But by now, you know. You both know. It’s a date. You say goodbye pretty fast after this, Seb leaving to go back to his mom’s birthday party.

Six days. Six days until you’ll go on a date with the man you already love. Before then, there’s a D&D night, and maybe a games night, and you realise you want your whole life to be filled entirely with Sebastian. You want to spend every second with him, every waking moment - no, scratch that, you want to sleep with him too. Both the act of sleeping and… the other one.

You were excited for the coming week! _Kiss him._ That was the plan. _Kiss him more._ Also the plan. _Take him home and -_ You will your brain to stop, and your face flushes brighter than your cranberries. God, you were in too deep. You feel like you’re drowning in _Seb,_ in everything Seb is, he’s filling your chest and your brain and it feels so _good._

Six days. Six days, until you do _something,_ and you were sure it would be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok now its time for break. hope u enjoy ! i have exams now. wont be writing as much . song by khai dreams


End file.
